| weekends |
[07 Nov 2010|08:59pm] |
in the night i dreamed of giant rats
they scrambled at my ankles, rubbing their teeth
i awoke like a flame, reaching for you, wrapping my legs
my bed was empty, my chest bare, my mouth sour and hot
a sunday will be like this, oh, most always:
your bed is empty and you can still feel the rodents
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| untitled 2 |
[07 Nov 2010|08:53pm] |
i used to smoke but now i
just stand outside
dirty soles on my feet
started making me cough
started to care
baby, i know but
when i wake up i’m steady &
i don’t have to apologize
there is someone who loves me
that isn’t me
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| untitled 3 |
[07 Nov 2010|08:52pm] |
when my hips were sharper
& my hair was longer
i tried to be good to you
i don’t think you loved me
that rhythm was to force me still
you pushed and hoped i wouldn’t
speak again, you want the quiet
hum of climate control and the
lazy thickness of cigarette smoke
i would scream and scream
a hollow noise & still
nothing reached you &
still nothing woke me
the sound bounced off the walls
there are tiny mirrors everywhere
little bells going off
you may put those pills in your
fat little belly but you will
never be brave enough to
break them apart; an unnatural red
sticking clotting working
300 mi. & 10 lbs. more
i do not care at all
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| untitled 1 or possibly 2 |
[21 Jul 2010|09:54am] |
sometimes i start that dangerous
thinking like- what would we do
if we only had each other
i want to know the feeling of
abandoning your vehicle
finding another that sputters
but starts
of victimless crimes and
a running kind of life
the type of desert driving that
pitches you into the sky
mostly i want to be alone with
you, asleep in a field or
living out some huck finn fantasy
pants cut off, short then shorter
i think outlaw living will do us good, baby-
like dipping in the oil soaked coast
crude and messy
but cleansing all the same
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| weight. |
[15 Jun 2010|07:21pm] |
i have been angry for years, i think
brewing hate and spring loaded on
a fight; waiting for some venom to spit
i have been afraid, for years, i know
when i tried to sleep my days away
fear of open eyes and being alone
of torpid inaction and claustrophobia
i think i am slowly/delicately/quietly
losing my mind - though the solutions
presented to me come in daily doses,
come in deeper breaths and slower thoughts
they also come too late, probably
maybe-
something,
whatever.
i am missing it- that which was previously of the No Name variety
until it started slipping, then it's very nearly gone and
i will likely laugh at this tomorrow, then
cry about it the day after then explain myself away for months
out, please
i would like to get off, now
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| some things that have happened. |
[01 Jun 2010|10:30pm] |
you don't drink enough
for your stumblin steps
& you take care of me like
raw meat on a blackened eye
you once clawed at me
in the solitude of the 31
i was headed for the hills,
looking out the window-
your hands moving like
rodents in your lap
you slapped the table top
rattling plates of pasta
you might have said terrible things
i was hung up on just one
and there's always dozens more
hanging from scaffolds and
pissing in doorways
bodies looking hungry
and eyes looking, hard
they think they can smell me
keep licking those lips boy
watch 'em crack and bleed-
no sound comes out,
and i can live in that silence
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| a dedication. |
[05 Apr 2010|02:34pm] |
i have run outside for these
boys before, for nothing-
to find it gaping, mocking
nothing; to flash my wild eyes
to stand on faltering feet
battles and phone calls and shaking and sitting.
i have cried for so many reasons &
tonight my dread accompanies dinner
but oddly
now i will finally rest
a man i do not have to chase
and only one word (please)
will leave my lips tonight
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| again / more. |
[09 Mar 2010|02:00pm] |
hello,
you woke me
with your haggard smoke breath
with the flat of your hand
the knife of your knuckle
there are questions about why
(you look pretty tonight)
but nothing further to report
(just the kathunk / kathunk)
the beating of the heart the batting of the eyes
just backseats and bikini tops and oh, god,
i don't remember, or- i chose to forget,
i couldn't possibly, just couldn't try
i will not put it together for you
your hair is shorter than i remember but
your head tilts just the same
(do we all have to answer, impossibly
to slippery, squinty ghosts of past selves?)
you won't let me sleep and you just keep repeating
'do i drink this glass of water or do i watch it drip away'
i don't miss you, you're too skinny, almost quiet,
& now
only the
kathunk / kathunk / kathunk
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| untitled |
[09 Dec 2009|07:59pm] |
our rosy cheeks, our coffee cups
cigarettes shared with bodies hunched
to the cold, oh suspenseful stance
we brave the world together, like this
blown like leaves to collect by the water
shacked up in a city- damp and ever moving
tracing the lines of its concrete hands
all salty winds and the smell of exhaust
what we leave behind could be false
when we're living out the fanciful
but we create our own truth with
the skyline as our citation
kissing on lurching commuter trains,
fighting the cold / moving our bodies-
spinning minor miracles from our fingers
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| you can and you cannot |
[03 Nov 2009|01:49pm] |
i think that if i swim to the bottom i could
push through it, white and light,
it would give if i tried, watching my shadow swim, i could
break through the water to space, my feet staying anchored behind
growing wrinkled, dry chlorine skin, waiting for me to see the stars
and come home
try
just one fluid motion, i just want a little grace
leave this body behind and move like an after thought so
i went straight down and the math of it came at me quick
NO not enough feet or i have too many or or
or i am too big or the world is too small
and so
my forehead splits like a peach
crack like snapping your bubblegum just right-
i think there is blood in my eyes but no no it's just the water
and now i don't feel solid, now i don't feel right, now i just feel, well
god i may not be a planet but god,
oh god i think i am lonely like one
okay so once you push through you can see, right?
you can see space- how it's cold, how it's dark, how it goes one forever
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
and no one knows just how you feel, your brains spilling out in the public pool
and no one can share that with you no you are floating, spinning
eyes so wide, wider still than the splitting of your skin.
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